Wednesday, September 26, 2018

12 Rules for Life, by Jordan Peterson

Chapter 3

1. Briefly describe the hometown(s) where you were raised, including location, size, and makeup. 

2. What types of people constituted your peers and friends growing up?  Why did you choose to spend time with them?
         
3. What changed for you after high school regarding friends and other persons of influence?

4. People choose friends who aren’t good for them for other reasons, too. Sometimes it’s because they want to rescue someone. This is more typical of young people, although the impetus still exists among older folks who are too agreeable or have remained naive or who are willfully blind.

- Over your lifetime, whom have you sought to “rescue?”

5. Maybe you are saving someone because you’re a strong, generous, well-put-together person who wants to do the right thing. But it’s also possible— and, perhaps, more likely— that you just want to draw attention to your inexhaustible reserves of compassion and good-will. Or maybe you’re saving someone because you want to convince yourself that the strength of your character is more than just a side effect of your luck and birthplace. Or maybe it’s because it’s easier to look virtuous whenstanding alongside someone utterlyirresponsible. Assume first that you are doing the easiest thing, and not the most difficult.

- When has this reality played out for you?

6. I am not saying that there is no hope of redemption. But it is much harder to extract someone from a chasm than to lift him from a ditch. And some chasms are very deep. And there’s not much left of the body at the bottom. Maybe I should at least wait, to help you, until it’s clear that you want to be helped. Carl Rogers, the famous humanistic psychologist, believed it was impossible to start a therapeutic relationship if the person seeking help did not want to improve. Rogers believed it was impossible to convince someone to change for the better. The desire to improve was, instead, the precondition for progress.

- What examples of this can you share?

7. Here’s something to consider: If you have a friend whose friendship you wouldn’t recommend to your sister, or your father, or your son, why would you have such a friend for yourself? You might say: out of loyalty. Well, loyalty is not identical to stupidity. Loyalty must be negotiated, fairly and honestly. Friendship is a reciprocal arrangement. You are not morally obliged to support someone who is making the world a worse place. Quite the opposite. You should choose people who want things to be better, not worse. It’s a good thing, not a selfish thing, to choose people who are good for you. It’s appropriate and praiseworthy to associate with people whose lives would be improved if they saw your life improve. Use your judgment, and protect yourself from too-uncritical compassion and pity. Make friends with people who want the best for you.

- Has this been your history of choosing friends?

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