You Lost Me, by David Kinnaman

Chapter One

1.  In this chapter, I want to accomplish two things: define the dropout problem and interpret its urgency. A clear understanding of the dropout phenomenon will set the stage for our exploration of young adults’ faith journeys.

- Does a dropout problem exist? If so, for what reasons do so many spiritually active teenagers put their faith— or at least their connection to a church— on the shelf as they reach adulthood?           

- Why do young people raised in “good Christian homes” wander as young adults?

2.  The ages eighteen to twenty-nine are the black hole of church attendance; this age segment is “missing in action” from most congregations. Overall, there is a 43 percent drop-off between the teen and early adult years in terms of church engagement. These numbers represent about eight million twentysomethings who were active churchgoers as teenagers but who will no longer be particularly engaged in a church by their thirtieth birthday.

- What is your reaction to this statistic?

3. One of the things we learned from this research is that there is more than one way to drop out and more than one way to stay faithful. Every person goes on a unique journey related to his or her faith and spirituality, and every story matters. The reasons young people drop out, as similar to each other as they may seem, are very real and very personal to those who experience them. We discovered in our research that there are three broad ways of being lost:

- Nomads walk away from church engagement but still consider themselves Christians.

- Prodigals lose their faith, describing themselves as “no longer Christian.”

- Exiles are still invested in their Christian faith but feel stuck (or lost) between culture and the church.

- Review each of these types.  How do you perceive them?

- Can you identify persons close to you who relate to one or all of these types?  What are their individual stories?

4. Like a Geiger counter under a mushroom cloud, the next generation is reacting to the radioactive intensity of social, technological, and religious changes. And for the most part, we are sending them into the world unprepared to withstand the fallout. Too many are incapable of reasoning clearly about their faith and unwilling to take real risks for Christ’s sake. These shortcomings are indicators of gaps in disciple making. There are three central arenas where these gaps are in evidence— and where the church has God-given opportunities to rethink our approach.

1. Relationships.  Can the church rediscover the intergenerational power of the assembly of saints?

2. Vocation.  Can the Christian community summon the courage to prepare a new generation of professionals to be excellent in their calling and craft, yet humble and faithful where God has asked them to serve?

3. Wisdom.  How can the Christian community help young Christians live wisely in a culture of mental, emotional, and spiritual distraction?

5. Why should we concern ourselves with the faith journeys of young adults? Why does all this matter?

- First, it’s a matter of heart. The spiritual lives of millions of young people are at stake. That fact, in and of itself, should be reason enough to care.

- Second, awareness of young adults’ faith journeys is a matter of accuracy. Without accurate information, Christians have a choice to ignore or minimize the dropout problem or to sensationalize it. Neither approach is right or helpful.

- Third, it’s an issue of responsibility. I am not writing this book to blame anyone for the state of the next generation or of the church. We all have a part to play, young and old, churched or prodigal.

- Caring about the faith journeys of young adults is, finally, a matter of leadership.

- Discuss each of these responses and why they matter.